Skip to content
🍷 FREE SHIPPING OVER $69 🍷

Search

Cart

Name Price QTY Product image
  • :

Subtotal:
Tax included. Shipping calculated at checkout.
Your cart is empty

I remember my first drink. I drank a bottle of champagne when I was 15 and blacked out. My girlfriends had 2 Lemon Ruski's each. There was a difference in how and what I drank from the start. 

I had an eating disorder. I started to control what I ate when I was 15 - and it made my life feel fabulous. I cut out junk food first, and hit the gym as soon as I was old enough. Everything was okay to begin with, and felt balanced / manageable - not out of control. When I started to see results - I ate less and less. Except when I drank on the weekends. That's when I "let myself go" and ate everything I could find at the party or in my kitchen cupboard when I got home. I later developed bulimia to "assist" with those times. 

I drank to blackout most weekends. I was always the one at the party that was a mess. Crying, drunk dialling, falling over. My parents and my ex boyfriend came to my rescue most of the time. I think my girlfriends thought it was all pretty entertaining, and not a big deal, but I've never really asked them. I was too ashamed - I don't think I could ask them now. 

I have to force myself not to think about what could or did happen to me in black out. I would honestly prefer not to know. I was a 15 year old woman / child and put myself in some pretty scary situations where I had no control. 

As I grew older, my drinking got worse. It continued to progress and changed from weekend binge drinking, to daily drinking, to not showing up for work so I could drink at home all day. That's when this photo was taken. I'm definitely drunk here. I think I had been out all night, not eaten for a while and was feeling pretty high on adrenalin, and kept drinking at home to avoid the hangover and let the good times roll. I remember it was a Saturday and I remember taking the photo. 

By the end of my drinking, I was drinking 24 hours a day. I pushed it pretty far until I went to rehab when I was 28. 

Ten years later, I started Etota. A family of non-alcoholic - and soon alcohol products - with a focus on mindful drinking. I can have a drink now after four years of abstinence and ten years in recovery, but I choose to drink less. I hope sharing pieces of my story helps others share their stories too, and people who are currently struggling with alcohol to feel less alone. 

We use cookies to ensure you get the best experience on our website.